Rebecca's Sex Toy Reviews

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Rebecca's Sex Toy Reviews

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updated: 2007-05-01

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2009-01-09

In recent years the sex toy business has grown from a tiny niche market into a huge industry, but it is an industry where you cannot take a toy for a "test drive" before buying it, and far too many online reviews are of suspect quality, so we decided to share our personal experiences. These reviews represent my personal opinions, but every woman is different, so your tastes may vary. Prices are in US$ and were taken from on-line retailer websites at the time of writing.

Mike took all of the measurements himself with a tape measure, rather than relying on the manufacturer's claims (which, as we shall see, are often inaccurate). For the larger toys, Mike actually submerged them in water to directly measure their volume instead of calculating it from the length and width, but only for the first 6" of length.

You may notice that some of the reviews have not yet been written. Please be patient; this page is a work in progress, and I will try to add more reviews as time allows. I hope you find these reviews useful.

Rebecca Wong

Size Guide

Taking Care of Your Toys

Dildos

Vibrators - Normal Size

Vibrators - Oversized

Monster Toys

Not Yet Reviewed

Rejects


Size Guide

According to sex educator Cory Silverberg, the average male penis is less than 5½" long and less than 1½" wide (approx. 9½ in³, ie- cubic inches in volume). Therefore, most women will probably feel comfortable with a sex toy of similar size. However, over time you may wish to experiment with larger toys, in order to experience sensations that you can't get with a normal-sized penis.

Length: if you want full penetration, get a dildo which is roughly 6" long. Anything less than 5" won't hit bottom for sure, although I've found that anything longer than 6" is just for show, because I can't actually use it without hitting my cervix (and that's painful!). This is especially annoying with the narrower toys, which jab at the cervix more painfully than the wide ones. My longest toy is "Bam", who measures 13" long, but I cannot insert him all the way. His enormous length is more for inspiring awe than for practical use.

Width: if you want it to feel like an average penis, get a dildo roughly 1½" wide (4.7" around). If you want it to feel like a very large penis, get a dildo roughly 2" wide (6.3" around). A dildo which is 2¼" wide (7.1" around) will feel really big, while a dildo which is 2½" wide (7.9" around) feels unbelievably large, bigger than any human male could possibly be. My fattest toy is "Bam", who is 2½" wide for much of his length and an astonishing 2.7" wide at his widest point. He is so wide that I cannot insert him at all without warming up for a while with smaller toys first. It can be difficult, but it's quite an experience to play with a really wide toy.

Volume: volume is only useful for determing how wide a toy will feel. You might ask what's the point of measuring volume when we can measure width, but in some cases, width is misleading because a toy might have a non-constant diameter, or its head might be much wider than its shaft, or it could have a funky shape. Volume measurements take care of all that. Mike measured volume only for the bigger toys (with the rest, he only calculated it from the width and length for comparison), and only for the first 6", because I can't insert a dildo any deeper than that.

Size Myths: Contrary to popular belief, you do not get permanently stretched by a large toy. The vagina is like a muscle, not like the elastic waistband on your underwear. I can testify from personal experience that you can still find smaller toys satisfying after using larger ones. If you are worried about the condition of your vagina, do kegel exercises. Avoiding large sex toys will not help.

Size Recommendation: if you're a newcomer, you probably want to start small. Start with toys around 1½" diameter, and then work your way up to the 2" wide models. And if you still feel like experimenting, gather up your courage and try the >2" models. Always remember to use lube with any size of sex toy, but particularly the bigger ones. Because they stretch you, large toys can cause painful friction without lube. Don't be afraid to slather it on; it's better to have too much lube than too little.


Taking Care of Your Toys

Everyone will tell you to periodically clean your toys. Some companies even sell special cleaning solutions for them, or recommend sterilizing them. But if you don't share them with others (and who's crazy enough to do that?), then soap and water is enough. A few tips:


Dildos

Click on pictures to enlarge

Futurotic Flexi-Dong

The "Futurotic Flexi-Dong" from California Exotic Novelties

Description: An ultra-soft-skin silicone dildo with a flexible spine. Measures 5.3" usable length x 1.5" diameter (approx. 9½ in³, or roughly the same as the average human penis).

Rebecca's Review: A few years ago, I might have been really impressed by this toy. It is soft, with a uniquely bendable spine, so you can curve it into a G-spot toy, or leave it straight, as you wish. It is of moderate size, and would probably be good for a first time user. However, I have since been spoiled with larger, vibrating toys and this one just can't compete. As I mentioned, it lacks the ability to vibrate, and I just find it too small after having used bigger and more sophisticated toys. However, it may be just right for a first time user.

Price: $27
Power: N/A
Shape/Texture: 9/10 - very innovative with the bendable spine.
Size: 3½/10 - too small for me
Overall: 7/10 - OK for an introductory toy.

Review added: 2006/03/17

Jackhammer Jesus

The "Jackhammer Jesus" from Divine Interventions

Description: A glow-in-the-dark silicone dildo in the shape of a crucifix. Yes, that's Jesus himself affixed to it. Measures 7.1" usable length x 1.6" diameter (approx. 14½ in³; 12 in³ for the first 6"). Note that the diameter is more like 1.7" on the upper portion of the crucifix because of Jesus' body.

Rebecca's Review: I do not think I would ever have bought this particular sex toy, but Mike thought it was hilarious. In short, the texture and size are fine, but the Jesus form on the shaft is quite uncomfortable. I have wondered if my aversion to this toy is simply because of its mockery of Christianity, but after using it a few times while trying to keep an open mind, I still find that I cannot enjoy it. I really think it is the lumpy shape on the shaft which causes the discomfort. I don't find it at all enjoyable. I wouldn't recommend this toy to anyone, unless you are turned on by the idea of a Jesus figure on your sex toy.

Price: $61
Power: N/A
Shape/Texture: 0/10 - While it might be amusing, it is far from comfortable.
Size: 5½/10 - OK, but not huge.
Overall: 1/10 - Funny idea but lousy sex toy.

Review added: 2006/02/18

Microwaveable Hot Cock

The "Microwavable Hot Cock" from California Exotic Novelties

Description: A dildo with a heat-bearing gel inside its rubbery body. After microwaving this dildo for roughly 30 seconds, it becomes very warm to the touch. It also has a socket for a "bullet" vibrator if desired. Measures 6.3" usable length x tapering diameter from 1.5" to 1.8" (approx. 13½ in³; 13 in³ for the first 6").

Rebecca's Review: This one is hard to beat. I tend to feel slightly cold all the time, and this one really warms me up! It's amazing how stimulating it can be to have something really warm put inside you, especially when it also vibrates (with the "bullet" inserted). The first few times we used it, Mike did not use the vibrator insert, and I enjoyed the warm sensation nonetheless. However, when he put in the "bullet", it was tremendous! This toy really helps to get your motor running! Its size is perfect, and its texture is not too hard or too soft. Frankly, once that warm toy is vibrating inside you, you won't notice much else. I really can't think of anyone who wouldn't enjoy this toy.

Price: $52
Power: 10/10 - as long as he moves at all, who cares!
Shape/Texture: 9/10 - nothing exceptional, but not uncomfortable either.
Size: 5½/10 - OK, but not huge.
Overall: 10/10 - Excellent, a must-buy.

Review added: 2006/02/11

7 inch Thick Dong

The "7 inch Thick Dong" from Doc Johnson

Description: A fairly generic silicone dildo: Measures 5.5" usable length x 2" diameter (approx. 17½ in³).

Rebecca's Review: I believe the "7 inch Thick Dong" was my introduction into the world of larger sex toys. Prior to this, the toys I had used were all narrower and less realistic looking. Compared to what I have now, this toy is not remarkably large, but at the time, I believe I was a little intimidated. This is actually a good sex toy because it has a filling size, but is not overly large. It also has a soft, but still firm texture. The only thing missing that would make this a completely satisfying, all-around toy, is some vibration, which it sadly lacks. But for those who do not place much importance on vibration, this is a very good choice.

Price: $20
Power: N/A
Shape/Texture: 9/10
Size: 7/10 (a bit hefty for beginners, but not intimidating)
Overall: 7/10 - An excellent dildo for beginners, but I can't wholeheartedly recommend any non-vibrating toy unless there's something really unusual about it

Review added: 2006/02/18

Randy

"Randy" from Vixen Creations

Description: A relatively short but very wide silicone dildo. Measures 5.5" usable straight length x 2.2" diameter (approx. 21 in³). Shown next to a Coke Can for scale (note that the length is more like 6.3" if you follow the curve).

Rebecca's Review: When I first saw Randy, I was intimidated by his girth. And when I actually tried him, I did find him more difficult to insert than other toys. If you like toys with a wide diameter, then this toy may be for you. Perhaps it is because I am taller, but I tend to prefer longer toys. I seem to get more stimulation from them than something that is merely wide. For this particular criteria, Randy fell short (ha ha).

After having used Randy a few more times, his girth no longer made me nervous, but I never did get much stimulation from him. Perhaps I should also mention that I prefer toys which I can move in and out of my vagina easily, and due to his circumference, Randy did not excel in this.

I would recommend Randy for women who are shorter and who like to be stretched. For those who prefer deeper penetration, Randy is not for you.

Price: $62
Power: N/A
Shape/Texture: 8/10 - Good
Size: 8½/10 - Quite large for beginners, but it doesn't quite reach me where it counts.
Overall: 6/10 - OK

Warning: Randy is very large for beginners. The picture gives you an idea, but you'll really notice when you hold him in your hand.

Review added: 2006/02/10

Vibrators - Normal Size

Click on pictures to enlarge

Waterproof CrystalEssence

The "Waterproof CrystalEssence" from California Exotic Novelties

Description: A jelly vibrator with an unusual large-amplitude gyrating action. Measures 6.3" usable length x 1.6" diameter (approx. 12½ in³; 12 in³ for the first 6").

Rebecca's Review: This is a good sex toy which mostly gets its marks from its unusual vibrating action. Rather than simply shaking, this toy actually moves slightly from side to side, and the vibration is pretty powerful too, making it very satisfying as a sex toy. The size is average, the texture stiff but not too hard. It bends pretty easily too, if you like toys that are more maneouverable. Overall, a very good toy, and at a very low cost.

Important Note: this is our second CrystalEssence. The first one failed when its power adjustment knob somehow got stuck in the "on" position so that the only way to turn it off was to remove the batteries. I liked it enough that we bought another one, but keep in mind that there are some serious questions about the reliability of this model.

Price: $15
Power: 9/10
Shape/Texture: 7½/10 - Nothing special
Size: 5/10 - Again, nothing special.
Overall: 8/10

Review added: 2006/03/31

Shockwave G-Spot

The "Shockwave G-Spot" from Nass Toys

Description: A latex G-spot vibrator with a special percussive vibrating action and a nubby ridge around the base for labia stimulation. Measures 5.7" usable straight length x 1.5" diameter (approx. 10 in³). Note that the length is more like 6.3" if you follow the curve.

Rebecca's Review: The shockwave is a G-spot toy, and a good one. The size is not intimidating, and although the texture of the toy is rather hard, it is not uncomfortably so. In fact, to really get that spot, it sometimes helps to have the toy be a little stiffer. Additionally, it has little knobs at the base which mildly stimulate your labia, an innovative touch. It vibrates of course, which is always a plus, although I didn't notice anything unusual about its vibration despite the "percussive" design.

It has only been recently that I actually discovered my G-spot, and I don't remember if this is the toy which gave me my first, mind-blowing G-spot experience, but since that time, I have always appreciated a good G-spot toy. This happens to be one of my favourite toys, mostly because it hits my G-spot so well. If you haven't located your G-spot yet, you may not fully appreciate it, but then again, it may be the one which will direct you there.

Price: $20
Power: 8/10 - Strong
Shape/Texture: 9/10 - A little hard, but perfect for nailing the G-spot.
Size: 4/10 - Shockwave goes for finesse rather than size.
Overall: 9/10 - Excellent

Review added: 2006/02/11

Heartbreaker G2

The "Heartbreaker G2" from Fun Factory

Description: An unusually high-powered German-made silicone vibrator with a slight G-spot curve at the end. Measures 5.9" usable length x tapering diameter from 1.25" to 1.75" (approx. 10½ in³).

Rebecca's Review: This is a good toy for people who don't want their sex toys to look too obvious. It is red with horizontal ridges, and looks very sporty. On close examination, I doubt anyone would fail to realize what it is, but it would be a less embarrassing discovery than other, more realistic-looking toys, such as Stryker.

This sex toy is one that I really enjoy, and since the size is unexceptional, it must be for other reasons. (It is sometimes difficult to discern exactly why a toy blows my mind). Upon reflection, I realize that it must be due to the fact that it is a G-spot toy, since its end does curve slightly. Its texture is good for this purpose: stiff, but not too hard. It also has very strong vibration, which is always a good characteristic in a sex toy. This is an all-around good sex toy with nothing particularly unique about it. Just quality construction and design.

Price: $51
Power: 10/10 - Very strong vibrations
Shape/Texture: 8/10 - Unique and disceet, and the perfect hardness for a G-spotter.
Size: 4/10 - Average
Overall: 8/10 - A good choice, even for inexperienced women.

Review added: 2006/02/17

Erotic Product

The "Erotic Product" from Saxenfelt

Description: A ridiculously unoriginal name for a seemingly unoriginal toy, hailing from far-off Denmark: a fairly stiff dark grey latex vibrator with a very fast vibration. Measures 6.7" usable length x 1.75" diameter (approx. 16 in³; 14½ in³ for the first 6"). Unfortunately, North American retail outlets for this manufacturer are very difficult to find.

Rebecca's Review: The Saxenfelt is not particularly impressive looking. It does not look life-like and does not have an original shape, however it is still one of my favourite sex toys. It feels lighter than most other toys, but it still packs a fast and powerful vibration. Slightly curved like a G-spotter, yet without an obvious hook, it manages to hit my G-spot nonetheless. It has a slightly hard texture, but I sometimes find this preferable to the softer, mushier toys which don't have as much "presence". Hard can be good as long as it is not too hard (like plastic), and this toy does have some give. As I said above, overall this is one of my favourite toys - and it doesn't have any special bells and whistles! Sometimes, it's not so much what you do, as how well you do it.

Important Note: the Saxenfelt's power adjustment knob feels pretty cheap, and may not be reliable although it has worked so far.

Price: ~$40 if I recall correctly
Power: 9/10
Shape/Texture: 9/10 - Not original, but gets the job done
Size: 6½/10 - Just big enough to be satisfying.
Overall: 9/10

Review added: 2006/03/31

Drilldo

Drilldo with power drill

The "Drilldo" from Extreme Restraints

Description: A special adapter that allows you to attach any dildo compliant with the "Vac-U-Lock" system to a power drill. The adapter is a high-quality metal device, and it came paired with a cheap pink jelly dildo, although you could replace it with any other "Vac-U-Lock" dildo if you wanted. The pink jelly dildo measures 7.7" usable length x 1.6" diameter (approx. 15½ in³; 12 in³ for the first 6").

Rebecca's Review: To be honest, I was never very enthusiastic about this toy. Mike got it, probably because the idea of "drilling" me turns him on, but I guess I'm just not that kinky. I must also mention that the insert that Mike used with the Drilldo toy was of cheaper quality, but I don't know if that really made a difference to my overall enjoyment. My complaint is not over the size or texture of the attachment toy used, but the drilling motion itself. I guess if you have a thing about construction workers and the idea of being "drilled" gets you going, then you might enjoy this toy. But I found the drilling motion to be too unrealistic. The only pleasure I received was watching Mike have fun with it, so we never really used this toy much. It wasn't painful or uncomfortable, just boring.

Price: $159 for full kit including drill ($127 for adapter alone)
Power: 7/10 - Almost unlimited power thanks to the drill, but it feels unnatural.
Shape/Texture: N/A - Depends on the dildo you decide to use with it.
Size: N/A - See above
Overall: 1/10 - It just wasn't for me. I didn't get any enjoyment out of it, and it's expensive too.

Review added: 2006/02/12

8 inch Vibro-Realistic

The "8 inch Vibro-Realistic" from Doc Johnson

Description: A realistic-style silicone vibrator. Measures 7" usable length x 2" diameter (approx. 22 in³; 19 in³ for the first 6"). Yes, the length claim on the box is exaggerated because it includes the base.

Rebecca's Review: Like most of the larger toys, this one intimidated me at first. However, I soon came to like him very much, and in fact, I would now say he is one of my favourite toys. He is soft, but not so mushy that you don't feel any sensation. He is long, so you can get deep penetration if you like that. And he is pretty wide, so you feel well-filled. Additionally, he vibrates, which is always a good characteristic in any sex toy.

The vibration in the 8 inch Vibro-Realistic is not unusual in any way, but is pleasurable nonetheless. In short, there is really nothing negative for me to say about this big black vibrator, but if you have little sexual experience, you would probably find him a little too big for your taste.

Price: $59
Power: 8/10 - Strong
Shape/Texture: 10/10 - Excellent
Size: 6/10 - Big
Overall: 8½/10 - Excellent (but it might not be a good choice for a beginner).

Review added: 2006/02/10

8 inch Vibro-Realistic Squirmy

The "8 inch Vibro-Realistic Squirmy" from Doc Johnson

Description: The same as the 8 inch Vibro-Realistic, but with a special "squirmy" action instead of normal vibration: some sort of cam inside the dildo rotates, thus causing the dildo to apparently "squirm". Measures 7" usable length x 2" diameter (approx. 22 in³; 19 in³ for the first 6").

Rebecca's Review: Squirmy is a life-like toy with balls and veins, and looks almost exactly like the 8 inch Vibro-Realistic. He gets special mention because of his unique motion. Unlike most vibrators, Squirmy technically doesn't vibrate at all. Instead, he "squirms" in a circular, pulsating kind of motion! Squirmy has a good size, large but not overly intimidating unless you are inexperienced, in which case he might be a bit oversized. He is soft, but not so mushy that you can't feel him inside you. His squirming action is a little slow, so if you really like to feel a fast motion, he may not be for you. But if you like something that feels more like a real cock than a vibrator, Squirmy's action is more like the real thing, albeit this cock doesn't just move in and out, but instead has more creativity and can actually gyrate inside you, twisting like a snake. Squirmy is capable of giving intense pleasure.

Price: $64
Power: 6/10 - Squirmy is not powerful, but he knows how to move
Shape/Texture: 10/10 - Excellent
Size: 6/10 - Big
Overall: 8½/10 - Excellent (but he might not be a good choice for a beginner).

Note: The 8 inch Vibro-Realistic and the 8 inch Squirmy are basically identical except for the motion. I can't say that one is really "better" than the other, because sometimes I might be in the mood for one style of vibration and sometimes I might be in the mood for the other. They're just different.

Review added: 2006/02/12

Small Red Boy

The "Small Red Boy" from Doc Johnson

Description: A stiff, smooth waterproof silicone ballsy vibrator. Measures 3.9" usable length with a 1.6" diameter head and 1.5" diameter shaft (approx. 7 in³).

Rebecca's Review: When I first saw this toy, I thought he looked cute and promising. Little Red Boy has a nice, shiny red colour and the vibration control looks sturdy and well-made. He has a smooth texture, and a good-sized circumference, although I generally like them a little fuller. His relatively small size makes him more convenient for travel, and I was prepared to like him just for these superficial attributes, if he would give me a moderate amount of pleasure.

However, in the end, Little Red Boy disappointed me. Again, it may be because I am taller than the average woman, but I found that he was just too short to give me much pleasure, even though he has balls which rub up nicely against my labia. The vibration is more powerful than the average toy, so he is also promising on that count, but for me, this sadly didn't make up for his lack of length. I guess my disappointment shows that even sex toys are often measured by their physical attractiveness, rather than their other, more meaningful qualities. This toy may be as cute as Brad Pitt, but like many good-looking men, he lacks depth (hee hee).

Price: $23
Power: 9/10 - Strong
Shape/Texture: 7/10 - Nice-looking, comfortable.
Size: 3/10 - Barely noticeable.
Overall: 7/10

Review added: 2006/02/12

The Sue Johansen TalkSex Royal Wave

The "Sue Johansen TalkSex Royal Wave" from California Exotic Novelties

Description: A fairly soft-skinned waterproof silicone G-spot vibrator with a large curved tip. Measures 7.1" usable length (9" around the curve) with a 1.6" diameter head which widens out to 1.75" at the base (approx. 15½ in³; 12 in³ for the first 6"). The average diameter at the "finger" which sticks out below the head is 2".

Rebecca's Review: This toy has a very interesting and unusual look to it. It is easily bendable and soft, but may be a little difficult to insert because of the shape of its head. It is a G-spot toy, but because its head is curved so strongly and it has the extra "wave" underneath it, it can be difficult to manoeuvre to the correct position. There is an added dilemma in that the base is perfectly round so you can't tell which way it's pointing. It can easily become shifted to the wrong position, and it is difficult to feel which way is correct. Since the entire benefit of a G-spot toy relies on its correct positioning, this can become frustrating, as I discovered. I did have a good orgasm with it, but because the end was pointed in the wrong direction, it wasn't as good as it could have been. And then, because of its strong "hook" shape, it was difficult and uncomfortable to remove. Because of these flaws, I wouldn't really recommend it.

Price: $30
Power: 9/10 - its vibrations are very strong.
Shape/Texture: 5/10 - nice try, but ultimately frustrating.
Size: 6/10 - adequate.
Overall: 7½/10 - the basic idea is good, but it's just frustrating to use.

Review added: 2006/03/17

Vibrators - Oversized

Click on pictures to enlarge

Warning: These toys are very large, and you may be frightened by their sheer size when you first pull them out of the box. If your boyfriend has self-esteem issues, he might feel seriously inadequate in comparison to these big boys! They are also more expensive than smaller toys. When using large toys like this, make sure you use lots of lube and relax, because they may not go in easily. Inexperienced users should definitely start with smaller toys and then work their way up to toys in this category.

Thunder Cloud

"Thunder Cloud" from Vibratex

Description: A heavy-duty high-tech toy from the premium-brand Japanese sex toy maker "Vibratex". Thunder Cloud, whose name sounds like a Native American warrior, combines vibration with a "squirmy" gyrating-head action and an unusual surface texture that is hard to describe. Measures 5.5" usable length x 2" diameter (approx. 17½ in³). His insertable volume was actually measured to be roughly 275 mL, or 17 in³. Note that the large head is actually 2.4" diameter, so he feels bigger than the volume number would suggest, especially when first being inserted. Shown next to a Coke Can for scale.

Rebecca's Review: Thunder Cloud certainly has a lot of bells and whistles. He vibrates, has a unique rotating motion, has a vibrating clitoral stimulator, and even has blue and red flashing lights. I don't really understand why the lights were included in the shaft considering that you cannot even see them when he is inside you. Regardless, it certainly seems that the designers were having fun in the drawing room. Thunder Cloud's head is intimidating because of its girth, but his shaft is quite a bit narrower, and this unusual shape gives a lot of pleasure.

I seem to have the best orgasms when my vagina is filled all the way to the top, and often the upper portion of my vagina is neglected with other sex toys. This was not the case with Thunder Cloud. His specially enlarged head gave me just what I needed. His vibration and gyrating motions are also very stimulating, and the texture is soft and comfortable. Overall I had a very satisfying experience with Thunder Cloud. I found that he gave me everything I wanted in a vibrator, but if you are new to the sex toy experience, you may find him too large for your taste.

Update: I just noticed that Thunder Cloud is no longer than Randy, who I had previously criticized for inadequate length. I think the difference must lie in Thunder Cloud's oversized head and the way it twists around inside me.

Price: $149
Power: 10/10 - Absolutely no complaints.
Shape/Texture: 10/10 - I found him perfect for my needs.
Size: 9/10 - A little short, but very wide
Overall: 10/10 - I love this toy!

Note: Of all my vibrators, Thunder Cloud requires the most effort to insert, because I really have to stretch to accomodate his oversized head. Only the monsters like Bam are more dificult to insert.

Review added: 2006/02/12

Jeff Stryker Realistic Vibrator

The "Stryker Realistic 9" Vibrating Cock and Balls" from Doc Johnson

Description: This big boy is supposedly modeled after the penis of gay-porn star Jeff Stryker. Stryker is slightly "floppy" without being soft, and his head is smaller than his shaft. Compared to most oversized toys, Stryker looks more like a real giant penis, as opposed to a small penis that was just scaled up. Stryker measures 8" usable length x 2.25" diameter at his thickest point (approx. 32 in³). However, his diameter varies and the volume of his first 6" was actually measured to be roughly 325 mL, or 20 in³, so his accurate insertable volume is probably closer to 26½ in³. Shown next to a Coke Can for scale.

Rebecca's Review: Stryker is undoubtedly the biggest I have ever seen or used thus far, and he looks very realistic. Mike got Stryker for me as a Valentine's Day gift when he discovered my need for deep penetration, and he does the job very well. If you like to be completely filled, Stryker will definitely get the job done. The vibration is not as powerful as it is on some other toys, but it is not disappointing. This certainly made for a very satisfying Valentine's Day experience! Because Stryker is so realistic looking (complete with veins and everything), I would not recommend him for people who wish to be a little more discreet. But if you like a really big toy, Stryker is perfect: not too hard or too soft, and with adequate vibration. He'll give you a good time.

Note: Stryker slips in more easily than other toys in the oversized category, probably because of his smaller head. Nevertheless, I would still recommend that first-time users start small and work their way up, rather than taking on Stryker right away.

Update (Feb 2008): Two years have passed since I wrote this review, and my opinion has changed a bit. Stryker is no longer the biggest I have seen or used, and I have found that he is a bit too pointy when compared to his oversized competition. Stryker feels very good if he is used very carefully, but if you're not careful and you push him in too far, it feels painful, as if he's poking your uterus. And real sex is a bit different than a dildo tryout; during real sex, it is easier to get excited or careless and shove him in too far or too fast. Therefore, upon further review, I have downgraded Stryker from a 9 to a 7.

Price: $66
Power: 8/10 - Good but not exceptional
Shape/Texture: 7/10 - Good but a bit too pointy
Size: 9½/10 - Huge.
Overall: 7/10 - Stryker's realism and sheer size make up for his limited power, but his narrow head can cause pain if you push him in too far.

Review added: 2006/02/17

Kong, the Realistic Vibrator

The "Kong, the Realistic Vibrator" from Doc Johnson

Description: This is another oversized model, shorter and thicker than Stryker. Unlike Stryker, Kong does not seem to be modeled after any real person, so he has the more stereotypical sex-toy shape of a normal-sized penis which was scaled up to epic proportions. Kong came out of the box with hair around his base, believe it or not. But you can easily yank out the hair with your fingers. Kong measures 7" usable length x 2.3" diameter (29 in³). His head diameter is closer to 2.4". However, the volume of his first 6" was actually measured to be roughly 350 mL, or 21½ in³, so his real insertable volume is probably closer to 24½ in³. Shown next to a Coke Can for scale.

Rebecca's Review: Kong is a big, realistic looking toy, very similar to Stryker. After having said so many times how I prefer larger toys, you would think that Kong would really do it for me. Although he did his job very well, and I don't have any real complaints, I prefer Stryker. Kong is a very thick toy, all the way up the shaft, and although this definitely fills you up, it is somehow not very comfortable. After thinking about it for a time, I figured it must be because your vagina has a narrower opening after which it easily spreads wider towards the uterus. Styker has a more natural shape with a narrower base that thickens up toward the head, , so he fills the vagina in a more natural way. Kong is just plain thick all the way through and I think this is uncomfortable at the opening of the vagina, even though he fills the deeper part of the vagina very well. That being said, Kong is otherwise a very satisfying toy, but he's not for the timid or inexperienced.

Update (Feb 2008): Nearly two years have passed since this review was written, and I've since changed my mind about Kong's shape. His thickness and blunt head make him more difficult to insert than Stryker, but they also mean that he isn't as pointy. As I said in the Stryker review, real sex is different than a dildo tryout. During real sex, I like it harder and faster, and that doesn't work too well with Stryker's pointy shape, because it feels like I'm being jabbed in the uterus. With Kong, I can take it as hard and fast as I like, because his head is too wide and bulbous to feel like it's jabbing me. Kong is the biggest toy I can take without a lengthy warm-up period.

Of all my toys, Kong is now my favourite. Hard thrusting action with Kong can lead to truly mind-blowing orgasms once you get used to his size, and Mike has even modified him for more power, by removing the suction-cup base and replacing it with a second vibrating egg. So, upon further review, I have upgraded Kong from 8 to 10.

Price: $68
Power: 8/10 (10/10 with Mike's modification)
Shape/Texture: 10/10 - Feels fairly realistic, and makes me feel very full
Size: 10/10 - Huge.
Overall: 10/10 - I use Kong more often than any other toy.

Review added: 2006/03/17

Monster Toys

Click on pictures to enlarge

Mike got me three new toys in April 2007, all of which were bigger than anything I'd ever seen before. Above a certain size, nobody sells vibrators for some reason, so all of the toys were non-vibrating dildos. But when a toy is this big, its sheer size makes up for its lack of vibrating action.

Scene Stealer

The "Scene Stealer" from Wildfire

Description: This is a giant-sized jelly/rubber dildo, of similar thickness to Kong but longer. Scene Stealer measures 9½" usable length x 2.2" diameter (approx. 36 in³). Note that it flares out to 2.5" at the base. The volume of his first 6" was actually measured to be roughly 375 mL, or 23 in³, so his real insertable volume is probably around 36½ in³: very close to the calculated value. Shown next to a Coke Can for scale.

Rebecca's Review: Scene Stealer is not made of silicone like many of my other toys. He is made of rubber, and because of that he has a rather strong odour. However, I didn't find the harder rubber texture to be unpleasant. Sometimes a toy which is firmer can give more pleasure and I didn't find the rubber to be uncomfortable at all. Scene Stealer is also one of my biggest toys and is a bit intimidating because of that. Even though I did find him enjoyable, there are other toys which I like better. I can't say that there is anything particularly distinctive about this toy, so I can't recommend it. In my opinion, your money is probably better spent elsewhere.

Price: $39
Power: N/A
Shape/Texture: 6½/10
Size: 10/10 - Huge.
Overall: 6/10

Review added: 2007/05/01

John Holmes

"John Holmes" dildo from Doc Johnson

Description: This giant-sized silicone dildo is even bigger than Scene Stealer, and was supposedly modeled on the famous cock of the 1970s porn star John Holmes. Like Stryker, John Holmes has a characteristic curve to him, and measures 9½" usable length x 2.4" diameter (approx. 43 in³). Note that his width increases to 2.5" at the balls. However, his diameter varies and the volume of his first 6" was measured to be roughly 400 mL, or 24½ in³, so the true insertable volume is probably closer to 39 in³. Shown next to a Coke Can for scale.

Rebecca's Review: Of my three new larger than life toys (that would include Scene Stealer, Bam and this one), I liked this one the best. Bam is a little too big. Scene Stealer is a little too hard. But John Holmes has a nice texture, a more realistic size (although it seems unrealistically big, it was modelled after a real person, which adds to the pleasure), and there is a comfortable bend to him. I like toys with a bit of bend at the end because if you can get it positioned correctly and hit that G-spot, you will blow your mind! I found this toy to be basically a bigger version of Stryker, which is one of my favourites. So if you liked Styker and are keen on experimenting with size, you should try John Holmes out.

Price: $60
Power: N/A
Shape/Texture: 10/10
Size: 11/10 - He's a foot long and thicker than my wrist!
Overall: 9/10

Review added: 2007/05/01

Bam

"Bam" from Doc Johnson

Description: This is the third and biggest in my new set of huge toys. It's supposedly modeled after a real person, but a penis this large cannot achieve a full erection in real life, so this toy must have been extrapolated somewhat. Bam measures 9½" usable length (the same as John Holmes despite being longer because Bam has bigger balls) x 2.5" diameter (approx. 46½ in³). Note that the diameter is actually 2.7" at the thickest point along the shaft. The volume of his first 6" was actually measured to be roughly 500 mL, or 30½ in³, so Bam's true insertable volume is probably closer to 800 mL or 48½ in³: even larger than the calculated value! Shown next to a Coke Can for scale.

Note: to put Bam's sheer size into perspective, his first 6" of length contain more volume than three normal-sized human penises. His full volume is equivalent to roughly five normal human penises. In other words, using Bam is like taking three normal men at once.

Rebecca's Review: When I first saw this toy, my jaw literally dropped. I couldn't see any way that this would fit inside me. It did take some warming up, but I did get him inserted - and it still blows my mind that I was able to get about half of him inside me. Once I was able to get comfortable, I had a really good orgasm with this toy, but I think the size is excessive. I can have equally good orgasms with smaller toys. If the idea of a really big dildo turns you on (or your SO would get a thrill out of seeing you with such a huge dildo jammed up in you), then this one is for you. It is made of silicone, so it has a soft, yet firm texture. There is nothing particularly distinctive about Bam except for his size. As I said above, if really big toys get you wet, then try this one on for size. For everybody else, you can get equal pleasure from something smaller.

Update (Feb 2008): It has been roughly 10 months since I wrote this review, and while I initially didn't think I'd see much of Bam in the future, he has turned out to be a fairly regular visitor to the Maison De Rebecca. As it turns out, it's not quite true that I have equally good orgasms with smaller toys. It seems that I'm a bit of a size queen after all, and Bam's mammoth size gives me something that smaller toys just can't offer. The orgasms are just a little bit more powerful, and the feeling is unique. But it is a lot of work to get Bam in there, and I'm lazy, so it just doesn't seem worth it. If it weren't for the fact that Mike gets a particular gleam in his eye watching me take Bam, I would probably not use him despite the extra-powerful orgasm.

Price: $63
Power: N/A
Shape/Texture: 8/10
Size: 12/10 - Colossal. Awe-inspiring. May strike fear into the hearts of lesser women.
Overall: 9/10

Review added: 2007/05/01

Size Chart

The following chart depicts the usable volumes for the toys reviewed on this page. "Usable volume" is the volume (in cubic inches) of the first 6" of the toy's length (or less, if the toy is not that long). The rationale behind this measurement is that it is difficult and/or painful to insert more than 6" of sex toy into you, especially since sex toys are not as flexible as a human penis. Toys which are long and thin may look impressive, but you won't feel it. By measuring the volume of the first 6", we can get a pretty good idea of how big a toy will really feel when you try to use it.

As you can see, the good old average human penis is near the bottom of the list: proof that insecure men who view sex toys as competitors are in for some serious self esteem issues, especially when compared to the heavyweights like Kong or Bam. Luckily, Mike does not lack self esteem, nor does he view sex toys as competitors. In fact, he has always encouraged me to try the big ones.


Not Yet Reviewed

Sex toys which I haven't reviewed yet. I have no idea when I'll get around to these, because while they are not necessarily bad, they don't "measure up" (ha ha) to my favourite toys like Kong or Bam, so I almost never use them.

Throb

The "Throb" from Tantus

Description: A stiff veiny silicone dildo. Measures 4.9" usable straight length (5.9" if you follow the curve) x 1.25" diameter.

Price: $27

Waterproof Delights

The "Waterproof Delights" from California Exotic Novelties

Description: A generic (albeit waterproof) jelly vibrator. Measures 5.1" usable length x 1.4" diameter.

Price: $22

Classic G-Spot

The "Classic G-Spot" from Doc Johnson

Description: A fairly generic rubber G-spot vibrator. Measures 6.7" usable straight length (7.9" if you follow the curve) x 1.6" diameter.

Price: $20

Squirmy Dragon

The "Squirmy Dragon" from Private Toys

Description: A multi-function vibrator with a gyrating head, two selectable speeds, and rotating beads. Measures 4.75" usable length x 1.25" diameter.

Price: $81

6 inch Vibro-Realistic

The "6 inch Vibro-Realistic" from Doc Johnson

Description: A realistic-style silicone vibrator. Measures 6.3" usable length x 1.8" diameter.

Price: $59

Gyrating Scintillator

The "Gyrating Scintillator" from California Exotic Novelties

Price: $23

G-Spotter attachment for Hitachi Magic Wand

The "G-Spotter" from Hitachi

Description: A penetrating G-spot silicone attachment for the Hitachi Magic Wand. The Hitachi Magic Wand is a large wall-powered unit with a round end that is often sold as a back massaging device. The penetrating part sticks out of the blue cap (which goes on the end of the Magic Wand) and measures 4.3" usable length x 1" diameter.

Price: $96 for Hitachi Magic Wand plus G-Spotter attachment ($16 for attachment alone)

Jesse's Waterproof Penetrator

The "Jesse's Waterproof Penetrator" from California Exotic Novelties

Description: A generic stiff silicone vibrator with an enlarged head. Measures 7.1" usable length x 1.85" diameter.

Price: $25

Rejects

Sex toys which we actually threw in the garbage
No large pictures or in-depth reviews in this section

Pocket Rocket

The "Pocket Rocket Mini-Massager" from Doc Johnson

Description: A tiny hard plastic vibrator with a smooth end, supposedly meant to be used on pressure points on your back, neck, and shoulders. It is commonly used for clitoral stimulation, and its main selling point is the fact that it is not considered a sex toy, so people who are afraid of embarrassment can discreetly buy one. It works, but once you graduate to real sex toys, there's no more use for it.

Spectragels Anal Plug

The "Spectragels Anal Plug" from Doc Johnson

Description: A small 4" long contoured butt plug. I don't like anal toys in general because a real penis feels better in there.

Spectragels Anal Tool

The "Spectragels Anal Tool" from Doc Johnson

Description: A 7"-8" long anal bead toy. I don't like anal toys in general because a real penis feels better in there.

Anal Probe

The "Anal Probe" from Doc Johnson

Description: A large (foot-long) anal toy with a large ball end and a handle. I don't like anal toys in general because a real penis feels better in there.

CyberSkin X-Tasy 7 inch Vibrator

The "Cyberskin X-Tasy 7" Vibe" from Hustler

Description: A generic white plastic vibrator with a soft CyberSkin flesh-coloured sleeve on it. Too soft, and the delicate "skin" was easily damaged.

The Tongue

"The Tongue"

Description: An unusual vibrator with a large quivering red tongue. Very low quality (it fell apart after one use), and it doesn't feel very good anyway. More of a humourous novelty item than a real sex toy.

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